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Ugh...

My mind is such a mess right now. Even when I have a long sleep it's broken and full of nightmares. I can't stop shaking, I can't stop my head from spinning. I'm scared. I've never felt anything like this before, and I worry that I'll never turn back from this breakdown. I was doing so well, I'd gone a whole year without cutting, or getting depressed, and now the cuts and the horrible memories are back again. I've never felt more isolated than I do now. I'm scared. Terrified. And I can't think of anything but the incident.

This started with a dream. I have dreams sometimes, that are particularly real and vivid. When I have these dreams, in the space of around a year they will come true. This had happened every single time, and trying to break them has never worked.

The terrifying part is last time I had a dream like this, a dream so vivid and realistic it felt like I was there in person, I was being raped again. So now I'm stuck with this paranoia, wondering if and when this is going to happen.  I couldn't take it if this happened again.

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